So, ya wanna know what a Redneck is, huh ?? Well, there are Numerous "Symptoms" of Redneckism and IF you Suffer from ANY of the below symptoms( chances are YOU DO ) ... Then
YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF...
(This list is LONG but well worth the laughs)
Your pocket knife often doubles as a toothpick.
You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.
The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.
You've been too drunk to fish.
Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people".
You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.
You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.
You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel
shirt and thermal underwear.
Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.
You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
In tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Bubba do?".
Your child's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers!".
You can belch and say your name at the same time.
The UFO hotline limits you to one call a day.
You hit a bump in the road and lose half of your worldly possessions.
Thanksgiving dinner was ruined because you ran out of ketchup.
You wonder why there isn't a hairstyle called "The Hat Line."
You think the Franklin Mint is a breath freshener.
You think doctorin' involves mamma's sewing kit and a jug of moonshine.
The strongest smell in your house is butane.
You refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the "day my ship came in."
None of your shirts cover your stomach.
You judge drive time solely by the number of beers you need to take.
You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.
You own a homemade fur coat.
You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.
The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
You were shooting pool when any of your kids were born.
You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.
Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos".
You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
You've ever given rat traps as gifts.
You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table.
Your mamma has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
You've totaled every car you've ever owned.
There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door.
The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
You were acquitted for murdering your first wife after she threw out your
Elvis 45 's.
You think watching professional wrestling is foreplay.
You no longer drink wine ever since the screw cap got caught up your
nose.
Your wife's hairdo was ever ruined by a ceiling fan.
Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
You've got more than three relatives named “Bubba”.
You have an Elvis Jell-O mold.
Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
You've got more than one brother named “Darryl”.
You ever won first prize in a tobacco spittin' contest.
On Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to eat.
Your favorite entree' is Spam barbecued on the grill.
You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are “Gentlemen,
start your engines.”
You kissed your own wife at midnight at the New Year's Eve party.
You've ever taken reading material into an airplane restroom.
You've ever gotten an official letter of recognition from a tobacco or beer
company.
You vacuum the sheets instead of washing them.
You've ever valet parked a snow plow.
You've ever stood in line to have your picture taken with a freak of
nature.
You've ever had to siphon gas from your lawn mower to put into your
truck.
You've ever paid for a six-pack of beer with pennies.
There are hubcap wind chimes anywhere on your block.
You have a Bud Light pool-table light hanging over your dining room table.
You ask the preacher, “How's it hanging?”
You go to a stock car race and don't need a program.
You have a bumper sticker that says, “My mamma's an honor student” at
the local junior high.
You think potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'oeuvre.
You played the banjo in your high school band.
The velvet paintings in your house were bought from an art dealer on the
side of the highway.
You have no hubcaps on your car because you're using them to feed
your hunting dogs.
You can't visit relatives without getting mud on your tires.
Your mamma doesn't put shoes on to go grocery shopping.
You've ever been blacklisted by a bowling alley.
You honest-to-God think women are turned on by animal noises and
seductive tongue gestures.
Anyone in your family has ever purchased peroxide in a gallon container.
You don't think baseball players spit and scratch too much.
You've ever been to a wedding reception at the Waffle House.
Your dog has ever brought home something that you cooked for dinner.
You owe a taxidermist more than your monthly income.
You've ever caught bugs just so you could throw them in the bug zapper.
You have a Hefty Bag for a passenger-side window.
You've ever hollered, “Rock the house, Bubba!” during a piano recital.
Your kids' favorite bedtime story is “Curious George and the High
Voltage Fence.”
Your watchband is wider than any book you've ever read.
You know who is actually leading the Winston Cup series.
You've ever had to turn your pickup truck around because of bridge
clearance restrictions.
Your favorite beer company cannot afford to advertise.
Your new job promotion means that the company foots the bill to have
your name sewn on your shirts.
The fountain at your wedding spewed beer instead of champagne.
Your favorite restaurant has the word “eats” anywhere in the name.
There's graffiti on the bathroom wall in your own house.
You have grease under your fingernails/toenails.
Your idea of a romantic evening is sharing the same spit cup with your
girlfriend at a tractor pull.
The most common phrase you hear at your family reunion is “What the
hell are you lookin' at Dipshit?”
You think Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
You clean your house with a water hose.
During the wedding ceremony the minister said, “Do you, DeWayne, take
Connie to be your old lady?”
The game warden knows the serial numbers to your guns by heart.
You pawned your grandfather's pocket watch because you needed beer
money for the weekend.
You took your coon dogs on your honeymoon.
You drive across town to see a car wreck.
You think that anyone with ten fingers and toes is abnormal.
You need one more hole punched in your card before you get a “freebie”
at the House of Tattoos.
You have a personal account of a UFO sighting.
You think a hard drive is driving more than one hour.
You've ever taken a generator and a 27-inch TV camping.
You help booby trap your family's marijuana crop.
You have ever made a frog-gigging spear (and/or you actually know what frog gigging is).
The last time you saw your daddy outside, he was picking up trash,
chained to three other guys.
Your mamma's only shoes are house slippers.
Your sewage system consists of a pipe down a hillside.
You wear knee-high stockings with a skirt.
You follow the tractor pull circuit.
You have more electronic equipment in your truck than in your house.
Your primary income involves pigs or manure.
Your best sofa came out of a Chevrolet.
Your favorite T-shirt is declared offensive in at least 13 states.
You were expelled from summer school.
You've ever been asked for your autograph at a rattlesnake round-up.
You attend a parent-teacher conference wearing flip-flops (this is wrong ??).
Your baby's crib mobile is made out of beer cans.
You've ever been asked to leave Denny's all-you-can-eat breakfast.
You have a grave in your yard.
You've ever stolen toilet paper.
You think the theory of relativity has something to do with inbreeding.
Your deceased hunting dog's tombstone is larger than your
grandfather's.
You wake up in the morning already dressed for work.
You think the police can't see you because your truck is painted
camouflage.
Your car ashtray is so packed, you can't get it out.
You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
You're driving a vehicle with no original body parts.
You quit your job because deer season's fixin' to start.
You've ever gotten into a fist fight over a bowling score.
You're a member of the “Chaw of the Month Club.”
Your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.
You've ever been hunting on a tractor.
Your yard has more than ten ceramic figurines.
You can relate to anything you've read here so far.
You think the ultimate beauty treatment is using Preparation-H to prevent
wrinkles.
You must go through more than 2 gates to get to your home.
You've never seen a film with subtitles.
You own a pair of cut-offs made from double-knit pants.
You have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.
You've ever talked back to characters on the movie screen.
Your kids hide the Easter eggs under cow patties.
Your kids trip over the Christmas lights while hunting for Easter eggs.
Three-fourths of all the clothes you own have logos on them.
When you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the
Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry
about is how to lose them.
You go out in public wearing cut-off jean shorts, tube socks, and cowboy boots.
You've ever laid rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the
truck.
You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.
You've ever towed another car using panty hose and duct tape.
Your coat of arms features a tire iron.
You're laughing at anything you've read so far because you actually know people like this.
You own a denim leisure suit.
You use Armor-All on your leather jacket.
Your spare tire is a cement block.
Your Spring/Summer wardrobe mostly involves using scissors.
Your tires are worth more than your truck.
You tried to claim “loss of teeth” as an exemption on your taxes.
Your daddy's legacy is a gun rack and Jerry Clower's autograph on a
Stuckey's napkin.
You bought your best pair of shoes off the impulse rack by the register.
You think beef jerky, Corn nuts, and Moonpies are the major food groups.
You take out a home improvement loan to buy a new camper shell.
You and six of your neighbors split a cable bill.
You prefer car keys to Q-tips.
You have a sign on your front door explaining house rules and liability.
People don't recognize your car without a dead animal on the hood.
Your mailbox holds up one end of your clothesline.
You participate in a “Who can spit tobacco the farthest?” contest.
You know of at least six different ways to bend the bill of a baseball cap.
You're not actually able to read The Richard Petty Story, but you do like
to look at the pictures.
You've ever had to appear in court because of your dogs.
Your checks feature pictures of dogs fighting.
Any of your honeymoon plans involve a deer camp.
All of your favorite shirts came with a two-pack purchase of cigarettes.
You have a hook in your shower to hang your hat on.
You have ever tried to use food stamps to mail a watermelon.
You own more than three shirts with the sleeves cut off.
You refer to your beer gut as “the old tool shed.”
You've ever stolen a Neighborhood Watch sign to put in your yard.
Your boots cost more than your wedding ring.
You've ever vacationed in a rest area.
You always thought “Guns and Roses” was something you get for your
anniversary.
You proposed in a Denny's.
The passengers enter your vehicle through the driver's-side window.
You had to hitchhike on your honeymoon.
You think “Chablis” is the name of last month's Playboy centerfold.
You save cooking grease in a coffee can.
You inherited a Styrofoam cooler.
Your doghouse and your living room both have the same shag carpet.
You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65+ mph.
You've ever had to move a car seat to make love.
You're familiar with Copenhagen but have never heard of Denmark.
Your favorite restaurant has a gas pump in front of it.
You don't have a home phone.
You think “trash TV” is something in your backyard.
Stealing road signs is a family outing.
You've ever changed the numbers on your house so the police can't find
you.
You have ever played "road sign baseball" with a beer bottle.
You have an above ground pool and you fish in it.
Your bathroom deodorizer is a box of kitchen matches.
An expired license plate means another decoration for your living room
wall.
You thing “megabytes” means a good day fishing.
You've ever picked up a woman in a convenience store.
Your deer stand has an address.
You have more things with Hank Williams Jr.'s name on them than your
own.
You think a lavatory is a breed of dog.
You've ever taken a date flowers you've stole from a cemetery.
You've ever relieved yourself from a moving vehicle.
You use old auto parts as a boat anchor.
Your pickup truck and wife are the same age.
Your favorite cologne is Deep Woods Off.
You've ever given livestock as a wedding present.
You think safe sex means putting on the emergency brake.
People hear your car a long time before they see it.
Your 23-channel CB radio is used to communicate with your family.
You call your boss “dude.”
You repaint your pink flamingo every spring (having a pink flamingo in the front yard !!) . . . but not your house.
You have ever carried leftovers home in your handbag.
You think an oil change involves a comb and a bottle of Vitalis.
You whistle to get the attention of your waiter or waitress.
Your college graduation ceremony includes parallel parking an
18-wheeler.
You think ribs come from Europe.
The nearest liquor store is brewin' in your basement.
Your Friday nights consist of lots of Budwieser and a mechanical bull.
The Marlboro man is your idol.
You think a canopy goes under the bed instead of over it.
You've ever had a conversation about truck tires that lasted more than an
hour.
You've ever fished from over a fence.
You have ever taken lawn furniture to a drive-in.
Your state senator is willingly photographed with no shirt and a leather
vest on a Harley, but refuses to take a Breathalyzer test.
You think virgin wool comes from ugly sheep.
You keep catfish in your aquarium.
You think truffles are a brand of potato chips.
You've ever bought a used cap.
You know all the verses to the “Hee Haw” song.
Your car breaks down on the side of the road and you never go back to
get it.
Your greatest accomplishment is the 10-pound turnip you grew.
Any of your hobbies require dogs and a lantern.
You think people who have electricity are uppity.
You know how to milk a goat.
You've ever committed a crime with a lawn mower.
Your two best friends are named Skeeter and Possum.
You've ever hollered, “You kids quit playin' on that sheet metal.”
Your idea of water conservation is moving your Saturday night bath to
every other Saturday night.
Your idea of summer vacation is running through a sprinkler in the front
yard.
You've ever named a child for a good dog.
There are four pairs of pants and two squirrels hanging from your
clothesline.
Your local newspaper has a front-page feature called “Cow of the Week.”
You don't need a clean shirt to go to work.
You bum a dip from your mamma.
You have the entire WWF slurpie cup collection proudly displayed on a
shelf in your trailer.
Your favorite mixed drink includes Yoo-hoo.
You think “Hooked on Phonics” is a fishing show.
You've ever attended a dance at the bus station.
Your guest bedroom is also your tool shed.
You spend three days in line for Reba tickets.
You can't keep your cats out of your car at night because the interior
smells like fried chicken.
You KNOW professional rasslin' IS real.
You think French onion dip is an exotic tobacco product.
You drive more than thirty miles to save money on a pack of cigarettes.
You spend most of your time in the laundromat so you can watch TV.
Grass is growing in the floor boards of your car.
The highlight of your day is finding the prize in a Cracker Jack box.
The auto junkyard calls you to get spare parts.
You own a flamingo with buckshot holes in it.
Your third-grade class has a no-smoking section.
Your wife left you for last year's winner of the hog-calling contest.
Your flashlight holds more than four batteries.
It took the smartest kid in your 6th-grade class three times to pass his
driving test.
You cut your wedding cake with a chain saw.
You cut your toenails in front of company.
A woman says she's game, so you shoot her.
You ask for the honeymoon suite at the Motel 6.
You hear a siren and your first instinct is to hide.
You use a bed sheet as a sofa cover.
You regularly see kin-folk on “America's Most Wanted.”
You refuse to slide in softball because you don't want to crush your
cigarettes.
The emergency room nurse knows everyone in your family by name.
Your car has more than two exhaust pipes.
People come to your door mistakenly thinking you have an auto salvage
business.
Your house plants aren't in pots.
You wear a tank top to your mamma's funeral.
Your front yard looks like a Toys R Us after a tornado.
Everything you won at the fair is hanging from your rearview mirror.
You've ever accepted an invitation written on a bathroom wall.
Making beer is a neighborhood project.
You clean your fingernails with a stick.
There is a restraining order on your pets.
You secretly get your firewood from your neighbor's yard.
You wipe your feet before you walk out of your house.
Your 5-year-old can rebuild a carburetor.
You take a nap with at least one hand tucked inside your pants.
Your best jacket has an advertisement on the back of it.
Your car insurance deductible is higher than the value of your car.
In preparation for your upcoming wedding, you register your Tupperware
pattern.
You consider tattooing a do-it-yourself job.
One of your fantasies involves a bulldozer.
Your wife's best shoes have steel toes.
Your picture is on the wall of more than three bait stores.
Your favorite NASCAR souvenir is the result of a wreck.
You buy a police scanner to keep up with your relatives.
You've ever gotten carbon monoxide poisoning while driving your vehicle.
Your screen door has no screen.
There are more dishes in your sink than in your cabinets.
Your family reunion is sponsored by a beer company.
Your church has a “happy hour.”
You've ever shot someone over a mall parking space.
There is trophy in your house with the word “spitting” on it.
You open beer bottles with your belt buckle.
You've ever filled your deer tag on a golf course (what's a golf course ??) .
You tell Grandpa he has something in his teeth and he takes them out to
see.
You use the “O” on the stop sign in front of your house to sight in your
new rifle.
You punish your children by taking away their chewing tobacco.
You think every bottle of wine comes with a screw cap.
You wear your softball uniform even on the days you're NOT playing.
Your pickup truck used to be a car.
Your favorite fishing lure is TNT.
Your dates regularly expect you to light their cigars.
You stockpile pork and beans.
Your daddy handed out cigarettes the day you were born.
You use baling wire to keep your car door closed.
Your mamma is lighting bottle rockets with her cigarette while walking the
children on Halloween.
You've ever lost your wife in a poker game.
Your house feels a bit lonely when winter comes and the last fly dies.
You send your kid in for treatment because you think he's hooked on
phonics.
The air freshener tree hanging in your car lost its scent more than 5 years
ago.
There are more than 5 animals sleeping in your bed.
Your best pick-up line for women is written on your baseball cap.
You had a receding hairline in the 6th grade.
You think “social consciousness” means how well you can hold your
liquor.
You spit on your own floor.
Your bring a bar of soap to a public pool.
You keep a pellet gun by the front door.
You've ever participated in a burp-off.
You've ever heckled during a eulogy.
Your wife puts Bean-O on everything you eat.
Your dog rides in the front seat and your kids ride in the back.
You taught your children how to play “Pull My Finger.”
You own half a pickup truck.
The church social committee is afraid to meet at your house.
You own a trophy that includes the words “cow chip toss” on it.
You've ever made love on a tire swing.
The first question your mamma asks upon checking into the motel is,
“Where's the nearest liquor store?”
You show strangers your war wound.
Your mailing address includes the word “holler.”
The Salvation Army comes to your house and takes the wrong furniture.
There are antlers nailed to the outside of your house.
You fill up the bathtub just to test out a fishing lure.
Your Thanksgiving centerpiece has ever been prepared by a taxidermist.
You own every Box Car Willie album.
You refer to your dog as your youngest.
You select a date's corsage to match her tattoo.
You're over 30 and still giving other people “wedgies.”
You have three first names (Ex:JimBillyJoeBob).
Turning on your lights involves pulling a string.
You've ever water-skied in your underwear.
You throw a beer can out the truck window and your wife shoots it.
Your garbage man is confused about what stays and what goes.
The hood of your truck is higher than the roof of your house.
You think a dashboard is the best place to keep your hats.
For your first anniversary you take your wife to dinner at the Wal-mart
snack bar.
You've ever slow danced at a Waffle House.
You videotape fishing shows.
You've ever had sex while wearing work gloves.
There is more carpet on your toilet than on your floors.
Your wedding toast was made with a quart of Old Milwaukee.
You hang pickled eggs and pop-tops from your Christmas tree.
Your chili's secret ingredient comes from a bait shop.
Your family's #1 enemy is revenuers.
Your Christmas tree has a deer stand in it.
When describing your kids, you use the phrase “dumb as a brick.”
Your favorite cap says, “Babymaker.”
You've ever done your Christmas shopping at a truck stop.
You get Odor-Eaters as a Christmas present.
You are allowed to bring your dog to work.
Chiggers are included on your list of top five hygiene concerns.
The flood history of your area can be seen on your living room walls.
Your wife has been involved in more than six bar-room brawls in the last
in the last two weeks
Your wife has a set of earrings that you use as a fishing lure.
You fish coins out of public fountains.
Your Grandma keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
Your neighbor has a refrigerator on his front porch stocked with beer so
he won't have to get off the sofa to welcome friends.
You have ever been evicted from a place you own.
You take your wife to your mistress's wedding.
You use channel locks for a nose hair trimmer.
You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines."
You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.
LOL ~ Found YOURSELF here a few times didn't You ?? We're ALL a lil bit Redneck !! Accept it & get over it ...